Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize