Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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