You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
