I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is wine microwaveable?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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