HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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