I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish i was in the wii world.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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