Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
