How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
