Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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