White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
