You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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