you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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