my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she peed on how many people?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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