Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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