it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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