Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
