9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
