I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Someone signed my nipple.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
