PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
