Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize