awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you had me at cake vodka
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
