I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
