i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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