It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
