I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
