the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
