yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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