currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
