Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
