just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
