It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
