they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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