Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they call him Oral-B. enough said
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Alive.
So much puke
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
