And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
