i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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