I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
