You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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