It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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