he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
