Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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