just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
