Girls should come with a carfax report
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
