i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize