I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
