I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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