margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
