sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize