this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Green mimosas i think yes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize