he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
