I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize