apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize