four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
