to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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