worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
