i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
