Buhtt sex?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
