i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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