no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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