operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
