I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
