Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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