i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
