My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
