There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
