You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
