WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
