dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just tell him i said nine months
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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