dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
